Torture --- SHEER torture!

Today’s commute was one of the rare days when Sara and I are actually on the train together. Good times, good times. There weren’t any places to sit TOGETHER, so we opted for the seats near the door that face each other. This was working out fine until we got to Belmont. The requisite 5 to 10 people got off to switch to the Brown Line, and then the requisite 5 to 10 people came onto the train. The 3rd person to walk through the door was a 50’s – ish woman who had on the LARGEST and PUFFIEST freaking full length fur coat EVER.

Much like THIS one:


And where do you think she sat?

RIGHT NEXT TO ME

If you’ve ever sat on the El trains in Chicago, that “2 seater” right next to the door is always a tight fit ANYWAY. Well, then I’m sitting there, and lets just say my “girth” spills over to the seat next to me a bit………..
And then the puffy fur coat lady smushes down next to me.
And then proceeds to bend over while sitting, rooting around in her bag (I think?). Putting away her hat, putting away her gloves, putting away her sunglasses, getting out a magazine….blah, blah, blah.
Every time she bent over, her legs widened, and then proceeded to PRESS her fur against me.

Sara is DIRECTLY across from me, and I CAN’T SAY ANYTHING FUNNY.

It was a sarcastic person’s nightmare.

So, for the next stop or 2, Sara and I keep trying not to look at each other, because we are 5 seconds away from BURSTING OUT LAUGHING.

And then…..

The “man with the worst comb-over in Chicago” got on the train.

MUCH LIKE THIS ONE!



I thought I was going to burst. I’m just now feeling recovered.



(edit: many thanks to www.combover.com for the lovely picture of the comb-over man. this is a website I will need to peruse at a later date. Their website's tagline is (no lie) "No Rugs! No Drugs! No Plugs!". Seriously)