May 11

(cross posted from my livejournal)
May 11, 1988

Today marks 17 years.

I miss you Dad. I can without hesitation that I think of you EVERY day.

I move through my life day by day wondering "what would Dad have thought of this? Would he approve?
would he disapprove? would he think I'm funny? would he think I'm a GOOD PERSON?"

I have lived more than 1/2 my life without my dad. That 13 years of having him around seems so small in
comparison to my 30 years on this earth. It's bizarre to think that someone who had SUCH an impact on me
becoming the person I am today hasn't even been around for almost 20 years.

Dan Driscoll was a quiet guy, except around those he knew and loved.

My dad was a silly guy, given to bursts of goofiness, usually involving the hose, or the sprayer by the sink.He loved sports. He loved his Red Sox. He loved his wife. He loved his 4 kids. He was a GENEROUS dad.
Generous with his time, generous of himself, generous of his 24 pack of miller lite :)

In 11 days, he would have been 53. It always makes the pain just a little more poignant, knowing he died so close
to his birthday. And since he shared a birthday with my mom (his 1st of 2 wives), it has made all my mom's birthday
celebrations feel hollow. Even though they were no longer married when he passed away, my parents had always
been GREAT friends. Almost like the twins that their astrological sign embodies. My mom has even admitted to me
that she always has a pang of sadness as each birthday passes, and she no longer can share it with her "twin".

I've spent the last 17 years marking each May 11th that goes by in completely different ways. Some years I still cry,
and some I just wonder. Wonder how life would be if he were still around.

I've only been to his gravesite twice in the 17 years. Each time was painful. He is buried in what is possibly
the most GORGEOUS cemetary in New England. It makes no difference. His little plot is tucked away off to the side,
away from the famous monuments, away from the flowering dogwood trees.

I'm not truly sure what I'm writing here - just really a stream of consiousness about something I've always struggled with.

So today is just a Wednesday, tucked in the middle of May, and altough it doesn't look it on the outside,
my head will be FILLED today with thoughts of Daniel R. Driscoll Sr.
Born May 22, 1952 - Died May 11, 1988 ..... 11 days short of his 36th birthday.

I miss you so much sometimes Dad that it aches.

I love you.