the vague stops here

There's a subject close to my heart that I've discussed on my blog from time to time...
here:
http://allthingsdianna.blogspot.com/2007/08/regret.html
and again here:
http://allthingsdianna.blogspot.com/2008/05/want-to.html
and for the last time, here:
http://allthingsdianna.blogspot.com/2008/08/good-karma.html

Each time, I've been vague to the point of pulling my hair out - inserting vague pronouns, deleting names, being vague about the circumstance(s).

Well, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm too old to be the "beat around the bush" gal.

Let me explain the posts once and for all.

The regret? I did something awful to my old best buddy, Jenn Leavitt Adams. I was trying to put into words (albeit, code words) how awful I felt about it and how there wasn't anything I could do. I was already toying with apologizing somehow back then, but was afraid that it would be too self-serving (or appear so), so I didn't.

Then, about 8 months later, I posted that I wanted to apologize again. I felt that it would still be kind of dumb. (more for me than for her, you know?)

That last post? "Good Karma"?
Well, I had finally mustered up the courage to email an apology letter. I also asked if there was anyway I could be a part of her life again?
And the spectacular thing that happened? Jenn emailed me back, and thanked me for apologizing. She didn't think we could be friends again, but thanked me for apologizing, nonetheless. While I was dissapointed that she didn't see us being able to reconcile, I was pleased that she had even taken the time to respond to me - something she had no need to do.


Now - we have a couple of friends in common (duh, theatre is a completely small world, so thats not surprising), and one of those friends, Kevin, was in the show I was just stage managing, and Jenn came last Sunday to our closing performance in support of Kevin. She brought along her mom, and another mutual friend, Jessica. Now, not wanting to make anyone's time uncomfortable, when the show was over, I just popped my head into the lobby really quick - gave Jess a quick hug hello and thanked her for coming. I didn't want to assume that it was at all OK to hang out and chat, so I was slowly inching back towards the theatre and out of the lobby when Jenn's mom Pat approached me from the side, and gave me a hug hello. In hindsight, I can say that I was so blown away by that, that I actually nearly fell down.
Meanwhile, while all this is happening, Jenn is in the bathroom. So basically, I'm just trying to say hello, and catch up before Jenn comes out of the bathroom!!! No, no - not in a bad way! Basically, I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable - and if she doesn't want to be friends, perhaps she'd react strangely? I don't know - I just wanted them all to have a good time and enjoy the show, and I didn't want my stupid drama to interfere with that.

Then Kevin comes over to say hello, so now all 3 of us are chatting, and then Jenn comes out of the bathroom - and all is good. Casual, catching up kind of conversation - the usual theatre banter "what are you up to?" "what's your next show?". Discussion, laughter, eye contact - all things that others take for granted and that I was relishing. I think I had a little diahhrea of the mouth for a few minutes, but all was good.

Jenn, Pat & Jess - I'm so glad you all enjoyed the show, and best of all it was LOVELY to see all of you!