Growth and Moving on

Now, I'm not sure if one actually "moves on" from the death of a parent, but I guess finally this year, after 21 years of sadness, refelection, stories (and blog posts), May 11th kind of came and went.
Don't get me wrong - I thought of my dad. But the thoughts were quick and pointed. "Wow... 21 years" and "It's been so long - really miss you", and then my brain moved on. Not in a push the thoughts away kind of way, but in a Jed Bartlett-esque "What's next?" kind of way.

I think the point is that the DAY no longer holds the trauama it used to. When I was 23, for the 10th anniversary, I took the day off of work (I think for the 5 year we went to church and had a mass said?). I don't NEED those things anymore. My thoughts of my dad are now scattered throughout the year in a more reflective manner. I wish Sara could have known him, for one. I wish I could just hug him ONE MORE TIME.

My older brother Danny, is now older than my dad was when he passed. That always weirds me out a little. My dad was almost 36 when he passed away, and Danny is 37 now. I wonder at times how he feels and what he thinks about that.

Anyway... I guess the point is, my thoughts of Dad are a year long thing, and I'm thinking it's high time for me to stick a fork in May 11th. The date means very little now. It's those day to day thoughts that hold more meaning, not some silly date.


joe g said...

Good to hear it, D.

Dianna said...

thanks man.

It's a difficult topic to write about, mostly because most of what I feel is hard to put into words.