"some...may say...I'm wishing my days away.."

what a whirlwind weekend!
And by whirlwind, I mean a whirlwind of emotions. Lots of ups and downs....

The ups?

*Sara and I went to see "The Police" at Allstate Arena Saturday night. Believe me when I say EFFING AWESOME. Elvis Costello opened and he just rocked. Sara and I looked at each other and kept saying "why do we not own more of his stuff?"

*Yesterday was Mother's Day - I called my mom and chatted for about a 1/2 hour - it was great to talk to her. We also did a get together at Sara's mom's - barbecue and bonfire. The weather was sucking, so we grilled on the front porch and then chilled inside all night (no bonfire). We had a great time - lots of laughs.

The downs?

*Sara's aunt is really sick. "They" aren't sure how much longer. It's really sad, her aunt is one of the sweetest ladies. I just makes my heart ache.

*and if my heart already wasn't aching enough.... There's a tattoo I have, which some have seen, some haven't. Here it is:

It's a beautiful memorial tattoo for my dad. I love it. It was designed by a great friend of mine, and I treasure it. If you check out one of the details, though, you'll see the second date is "5.11.88". Yeah, that was 20 years ago yesterday.

I had my little cry first thing in the morning, with a resolve to not let it get me down this year -- but you gotta admit - that "20 year anniversary" thing is pretty heavy to handle. There are so many things in my life that my dad had to miss, it's too painful to think of them. So, what makes me feel better every year is I think of the things he DIDN'T miss. He was present for the birth of all 4 of his children. He was lucky enough to find love twice. He got to be the PROUD father of a great local baseball player (my bro). He got to do lots of things.

Those that know me know that I'm a rabid baseball fan, with a devotion to the Red Sox above all other things. I was brought up in a baseball household, what with Danny playing for as long as I can remember. One of the coolest things my dad was able to do, was bring me to my very first Red Sox game - and I TOTALLY remember it. It was cold fall night - late in the season, and we were playing the Detroit Tigers (it was a makeup game for an earlier rainout). It was a Friday night, and my boys won their game, 6-1. I remember cheering with my dad, huddling under the blanket, and cracking open peanuts together. We had a great time.

So, 5 years later, when my dad unexpectedly passed away, my stepmother was going through his things, and she was cleaning out his wallet and found this:

Yeah, thats a ticket from the game - and he had written on it "Dianna's first game". He had kept it in his wallet for *5 YEARS*. I cried like a baby when my stepmother gave me that ticket.

Over the years, I have kept it in a strongbox, and in a safe, but now I actually keep it in MY wallet. I know, i know.... my wallet could be lost or stolen, and it would be gone forever. That's true - but I would always have the memory of that ticket and I would always KNOW that it existed. And I truly feel that the ticket BELONGS in my wallet. And that's where it's going to stay.

I miss you so much at times dad that it aches. I look at that ticket and I look at pictures of you and I wish with all my heart that you were here. I just want to hug you and tell you that I love you.

I love you dad and I miss you very much.


joe. yes THAT joe said...

Hugs about your dad.

Wish I'd have gotten tickets to the Police/Costello show when I had the chance; I really wanted to see that.

Michael Brownlee said...

Police concert? Color me jealous.

Great post D. It's heartbreaking, but I love that story.